An immersive journey into the life and mind of Khaki Oliver, who's perennially trying to disappear into something: a codependent friendship, an ill-advised boyfriend, the punk scene, or simply, the ether. These days it's a meaningless job and a comfortingly empty apartment. Then, after a decade of estrangement, she receives a letter from her former best friend. Fiona's throwing a party for her newly adopted daughter and wants Khaki to join the celebration. Khaki is equal parts terrified and tempted to reconnect. Their platonic love was confusing, all-consuming, and encouraged their worst impulses. While stalling her RSVP, Khaki starts crafting the perfect mixtape-revisiting memories of formative shows, failed romances, and the ups and downs of desire and denial-while weighing the risks and rewards of saying yes to Fiona again.
Khaki is a fascinating character, trying, with mixed success, to move on from her troubled past, and Stovall's novel is an impressively strong and inventively structured debut ... Stovall's novel is a marvel, and much of its strength comes from Khaki, a beautifully drawn character who the author treats with respect and affection ... The seriousness with which Stovall treats Khaki is refreshing; she never dismisses her troubles as predictable young-adult angst. In one remarkable section, Khaki describes her obsession with counting calories and monitoring her weight; it descends into a jumbled, indecipherable mix of numbers and words that goes on for three pages. It's dissonant and shocking, a considered risk that pays off beautifully ... I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both is a rare thing: a genuinely successful rock novel.
Despite the difficult subject matter she covers, Stovall’s writing is captivating. She manages to make Khaki’s decisions, though maddening, compelling enough to want to see the outcome ... Stovall writes with hope, reminding us and her characters that forgiveness is a song worth playing on repeat.
