PositiveSlateIt is a paean to New York City, and how that city changed for him when he became a dad. The book also surveys the child development literature to which so many parents turn—some of us with deeper desperation. Parents will empathize with the strategy to look to books when toddler parenting gets tough; parents with toddlers prone to Raffi’s (and my Theo’s) particular brand of \'uncivil disobedience\' might, like me, find themselves scribbling I FEEL SEEN on every other page ... Library Journal calls Raising Raffi \'engaging and better-written than many parenting books on the market.\' I disagree. It is well written—snappy, smart, relatable—but the existence of “parenting books” by Rachel Cusk, Louise Erdrich, Anne Enright, Meaghan O’Connell, Anne Lamott, and Angela Garbes belies the \'better.\' I wonder, with a pang of feminist pique, whether a woman writer would be commissioned to navigate the mire of baby books, from Drs. Spock and Sears to Dr. Becky, in such detail. I wonder whether her particular perspective, her kid-lit microreviews, would matter to a mainstream publisher ... And yet, I do feel seen. Gessen offers both investigative probe and personal confession; he’s both a critic and a dad. And, as a dad, his willingness to show his worst makes this book work. It also shows the kind of kid for whom the usual techniques will fail, and shows—but doesn’t forgive—a parent’s anger. It is not, despite delving into the advice canon, a book of advice itself (and is much better written than, say, Raising Your Spirited Child). But it’s one of the most honest accounts of the rage a parent can feel when personally victimized by their small children, even as they love those children with stupefying tenderness. I’ve never seen this reckoned with so candidly before: how you might respond with compassion and kindness (to both your child and yourself) when grappling with the real feelings of fear and betrayal when your slightly violent, very stubborn cherub [punches you in the balls] or [informs you he’s ripping up your Mother’s Day card out of sheer spite] ... Parents of kids (like Raffi, like Theo) who \'set a very particular tone\' will relish Gessen’s bouts of candor. And understand, viscerally and truly, how this kind of child is worth every bite mark, every nosebleed, every sore spleen. Because they’re every bit as extreme in their less-violent qualities: loving, brilliant, generous, profound ... one of the tricky \'strengths\' of Raising Raffi is the fact that Gessen is a man—gate-crashing a shelf long limited to women ... I wonder whether a mother would be free to rage like Gessen, then forgive herself her trespasses. To process on the page as he does ... I remain a fan, despite these reservations. There is so much in this book. Perhaps a chapter falters here and there ... As Dr. Becky might put it, two things are true: 1. This is the most honest mommy memoir I have ever read. 2. It could only have been written by a man.
