Peggy Orenstein uses anecdote and research to reveal how young men understand and negotiate the new rules of physical and emotional intimacy. Drawing on comprehensive interviews with young men, psychologists, academics, and experts in the field, she takes an unprecedented look at the myriad factors that are shaping boys' ideas of sex, girls, and masculinity.
To be clear, none of these subjects are new, and men who read this book might not learn anything revolutionary. What Orenstein does excellently, however, is condense, clarify, and draw out the perspectives of the boys and men that she interviewed — their voices, interspersed with her own, lift the book up, hopefully showing readers that they are not alone in their experiences ... The book’s strength lies in Orenstein’s ability to summarize biting, salient points that, even if they don’t come as a shock to some readers, are nonetheless reemphasized clearly ... a valuable addition to the litany of books out there discussing what, exactly, is happening with the youth these days ... a 200-page treatise dedicated to uncovering why the sexual landscape is difficult for men, too, and suggests that statements like this would be more frequent if boys were encouraged to speak frankly about their emotions from a young age.
Orenstein’s Boys & Sex is a natural follow-up to her 2016 best seller Girls & Sex. The young men we meet here tend to be hyperarticulate — to the extent that I was initially skeptical of their eloquence ... However unexpected it is, though, the boys’ willingness and ability to share is also decidedly eye-opening ... Every few pages, the boy world cracks open a little bit like that ... To her credit, Orenstein acknowledges her biases. And, through story after story, she forced me to see mine: I was wrong to presume that young men couldn’t be beautifully well spoken and lucid about issues of love and sex. In fact, that assumption is so common, it’s at the root of our problems.
Through a combination of extensive interviews with young men and sociological research, the book seeks to move beyond the space of think pieces written by men and actually include them in the conversation. It gives readers a digestible overview of the problem ... In between introducing terms like 'feminist fuckboy' and 'Golden Dick Syndrome,' the book also tells stories of boys that are largely neglected in society’s sex conversations ... Most moving are the stories of young men who are victims of abuse, how it often comes as a result of their fears of straying from gender expectations ... These narratives further complicate Orenstein’s problem and make the book a more interesting read ... What I came away understanding is that regardless of how a boy identifies, he is probably confused ... I believe people of all ages can benefit from reading Orenstein’s book and that it can inspire change for the better for all.
